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| What I'd Say to the Martians: And Other Veiled Threats | 
enlarge | Author: Jack Handey Publisher: Hyperion Category: Book
List Price: $14.95 Buy New: $8.49 You Save: $6.46 (43%)
Buy New/Used from $8.21
Avg. Customer Rating:   (14 reviews) Sales Rank: 10744
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published) Media: Hardcover Reading Level: Ages 9-12 Number Of Items: 1 Pages: 192 Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.1 Dimensions (in): 7.6 x 5 x 0.9
ISBN: 1401322662 Dewey Decimal Number: 818.5402 EAN: 9781401322663 ASIN: 1401322662
Publication Date: April 8, 2008 Release Date: April 8, 2008 Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| Customer Reviews:
  Laugh out loud hilarious June 16, 2008 6 out of 7 found this review helpful
I heard Jack Handey reading the title piece on the radio while I drove home and couldn't stop laughing. It was more of a distraction than talking on a cell phone while driving. I apologize to anyone I may have offended with my driving.
So, I bought the book to read it safely on my plane ride home from NYC. I laughed out loud there, too. I apologize to anyone who was on the plane with me during that flight.
Handey has such a clear voice, and a definite style, I could hear him in my head. His work is deceptively simple; many folks think they could probably write like him. But, I suspect that is it rather difficult to seem so off-the-cuff funny and to set up each joke so expertly.
He is best known for his Deep Thoughts of which several are included in the book. But his longer pieces are really hysterical. The title piece is my all-time favorite.
The only drawback is that the book is rather short, so I blew through it before we hit Indiana, so I was forced to read People Magazine. What do I care about "The Hills"? Good grief. I'd rather re-read the book, of which I probably will do again and again.
  How To Avoid Paying Your Bills June 10, 2008 4 out of 6 found this review helpful
Growing up, I was always told by friends and ne'er-do-wells that "Jack Handey" was a pseudonym for the entire cast of SNL. No one person, I was told, could come up with those hilarious bon mots known as Deep Thoughts. Apparantly, this is a lie that Handey himself perpetrated, so as to better avoid his creditors.
If you read this book from the first page to the last, as I have since been taught to do, you will no doubt realize that what is at work is the twisted mind of one absurd individual. Ever since my senior thesis (entitled "Modern Meaning is Found in Absurdity," and based almost entirely on Monty Python sketches), I have found this style of humor to be the most endearing and relevant, at least to the Whack-A-Mole version of life that I "live."
The short, stabbing silliness of Deep Thoughts, however, is (mostly) replaced by a multitude of off-beat and stubbornly trivial essays. I'd list my favorites, but that would be a long list, one that would be boring to everyone, even myself, since typing has grown wearisome ever since I lost my fingernail clippers. Jack Handey himself might enjoy reading such a list, but he seems far too self-involved to care about me and my lists.
His persona of selfish ludicrousness can get monotonous. A few of the essays are so silly, they sound like they were made up on the spot by someone who was held at gunpoint by a six year-old and told to be funny. (This, I imagine, may not be far from the truth.) For instance, the title essay relies on the same gag in every sentence: mindless violence (emphasis on the "mindless"), which is okay for Moe and Larry and Curly (and, to a lesser extent, Shemp and Curly Joe), but which becomes repetitive when you're reading. Also, there are several reprints of his Deep Thoughts and Fuzzy Memories. Although they are why I am a fan of Handey, they are not why I bought the book. It's like turning on The Simpsons and, d'oh!, another clip show.
However, the bulk of the essays (especially "How Things Even Out," "Thank You for Stopping," Animals All Around Us," "Glug-Glug-Glug," and so on and so forth and ad infinitum) have just the right touch of both "funny" and "pick up the pace." His running gags are particularly a treat (his nemesis, "Don," and his "funny cowboy dance" are top on that list). His style of writing in these essays reminds me very much of John Swartzwelder's mixed with a dash of Stephen Colbert. That makes it sound like I'm insinuating that Handey is something of a plagiarist, which is not necessarily true. Not necessarily. At the very least, I'm saying he's funny. Unless you don't like The Simpsons or Stephen Colbert, in which case, I'm baffled as to why you're considering buying this book.
Buy it anyway. And in case you are one of his creditors, I am not Jack Handey.
  Funny, but not enough variety or original material June 9, 2008 4 out of 5 found this review helpful
As a fan of all of the "Deep Thoughts" books (as well as the segments on SNL) I wanted to love this book, and certainly there are parts of it that are very funny. However, probably half of this fairly short book is reprinted material we have seen before in the "Deep Thoughts" books, or have seen on TV in the SNL sketch scripts. I was expecting new material, especially given the length of time since his last book. Further, Jack Handey relies on a specific style of humor that builds expectations for a particular thematic direction, then abruptly diverts to something completely different. He is very skilled at this, no doubt, and uses it to good effect. However, he uses this style/tactic exclusively. If you read much in one sitting, you start to get inured to the effect, such that you don't take the "bait" as easily, and thus the "switch" carries less impact. So don't try to read this book through all in one sitting if you want to get the most enjoyment out of it. Unfortunately, given its short length and generous inclusion of previously published material, you're looking at about three ten minute reading sessions for your money...
  made me laugh out loud many times May 12, 2008 So glad that Jack Handey's site was on Steve Martin's favorite links.
Reading this book shows people why Jack Handey was one of Steve Martin's writers back in the 70s.
The essays by Jack Handey as a clueless jerk are very very funny. One of my favorites was "The Draculas" where Jack and his wife live next door to Mr. and Mrs. Dracula and Jack ends up driving them crazy, not realizing that they are vampires. Jack's written instructions in one of the first essays about what to do if you find him unconcious were so funny, as was his list of things to do today, especially his "getting out telescope to check on college girls to make sure that they're okay" Now that is what I call funny, seeing him justifying his behavior throughout the book. Hilarioius. One essay that I did not like was his first day in Hell essay. Hell is a seriously real place and should not be taken lightly. Buy this book, though. Steve Martin and Jack Handey are extremely gifted and talented funny guys.
  The Legend of Jack Handey May 2, 2008 2 out of 2 found this review helpful
This book ranks right up there with Woody Allen's first three books -- "Getting Even," "Side Effects" and "Without Feathers" -- and Steve Martin's "Pure Drivel." In fact, thanks to the Internet, I thought Handey was just a pen name for Martin these last three or four years. Thanks, Internet.
Then again, if not for the Internet, I would never have come across Handey's essays in The New Yorker, which eventually led me to buy this book. Humor is pretty subjective, so if you want to find out if Handey is funny, it's easy enough to find some of his essays across the Internet before you buy the book. Myself, I'd read about ten of the articles and still consider it well worth the price.
"The Legend of Me" is about as perfect and funny as I'd ever expect a humor piece to be. Other standouts include "Thank You for Stopping," "The Respect of the Men," "This is No Game," "Mount Everest," "The Draculas" and too many others to remember right now. In fact, there were only a few duds, like "Einstein and Capone." But I'm sure someone out there loved even that one.
There are a couple "Deep Thoughts" reprints that feel like padding, even though they don't really add many pages. I think it would have been better to just forget the Deep Thoughts stuff for once and concentrate on the essays. Even the Saturday Night Live sketches at the end, although funny, felt like padding. A few more essays would have been better. After reading the "Zombies vs. Bees" sketch, I could swear I've seen it on TV, even though it says it was never broadcast. I have a perfect image in my head of Carl Weathers dressed like a sheriff with zombies walking beyond the windows. I loved these sketches when I saw them years ago, back when Saturday Night Live used to be good and I had no idea Handey had written them. "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball?" Okay.
Even though I've only recently learned that he does in fact exist, I've been a fan of Jack Handey for a long time. The best line from Steve Martin's classic 80s skit, "What I Believe," was one Handy wrote: "I believe robots are stealing my luggage." That's the one line that I remember the best, because it was the funniest, and I guess that was the first time I ever mistook Jack Handey for Steve Martin, long before the Internet.
If you like Martin's written humor, you'll like Handey's too. If you like Handey's Deep Thoughts books, you may or may not like this book. I enjoyed Deep Thoughts on Saturday Night Live, but was never tempted to buy a book of them. Kind of seemed like a cheap attempt at money. Hopefully, another book of essays will follow sometime in the future, or maybe even a novel.
So in conclusion, you should definitely buy the Internet.
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