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| Milton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners | 
 enlarge | Author: Milton Berle
Publisher: Three Rivers Press
Category: Book
List Price: $21.95
Buy New: $0.81
You Save: $21.14 (96%)
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Avg. Customer Rating:  (11 reviews)
Sales Rank: 162119
Languages: English (Original Language), English (Unknown), English (Published)
Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 672
Shipping Weight (lbs): 2.5
Dimensions (in): 9.2 x 7.5 x 1.8
ISBN: 0517587165
Dewey Decimal Number: 818.02
EAN: 9780517587164
ASIN: 0517587165
Publication Date: January 28, 1992
Release Date: January 28, 1992
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes ("The most comprehensive storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world"--Los Angeles Magazine) to present the most astounding array of one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags ever published. Line drawings.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 6 more reviews...
 I won't say service at the dept. store is slow but... May 28, 2008
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
...every morning someone comes in to dust off the sales clerks! Wokka Wokka
Ha wasn't that a hoot? It's just one of the 10,000 jokes I now own because I picked up a copy of Milton Berle's Private Joke File.Berle, or Uncle Miltie, was a vaudeville performer before he jumped to TV in the 50's and many of his jokes go back that far. He also gives advice on how to stage a roast for charity, how to incorporate funny foreign accents into your act, and he actually has a small "chapter" on "K' words.(Words with the K sound are automatically funnier than words without it. Most of his ideas are 50+ years old, so they may seem a little, "anachronistic" On the other hand quite a few do work and Berle gives some interesting historical tidbits on working as a comic all those years ago. And it's always interesting to see what people laughed at back in the day.But here, see for yourself:
A recession is when you have to tighten your belt. A depression i swhen you have no belt.
From behind, she looks like 2 puppies fighting.
He's so fat that every time he goes thru a turnstile, he has to make 3 trips!
He's so fat he got on a rowing machine last night and it sank!
My wife and I have a waterbed. She calls it the Dead Sea.
A neurotic builds castles in the air. A psychotic lives in the castle. A psychiatrist collects rent from them both.
How can you tell if a turkey is a Republican? If it has two right wings!
She's so ritzy, the bags under her eyes are Gucci!
What acts like a male rock star,looks like a male rock star and talks like a male rock star?....A female rock star!
He's so rich if you asked for a salad at his house they served you shredded money!
They now have a teenager doll. You wind it up and it resents you for it!
Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children!
He had so many wrinkles an accordian once fell in love with his face!
King Soloman had a thousand wives. That way, the odds were pretty good that one of them wouldn't have a headache!
My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and put up her picture.
My wife is so frigid, when she opens her mouth a light comes on!
A friend of mine knows what worry is. He's got a secretary and a note from a bank and they're both overdue!
Why don't they have icecubes in Poland? The lady who knew the recipe died!
It took the Mormons six months to come out west. That's what happens when you let women read the road maps!
An Israeli sea captain is called a Yom Skipper!
They have a new device for keeping the inside of your car quiet. It fits right over her mouth!
She has a million dollar figure, but the top half is counterfeit!
I once had a meal in a German-Chinese restaurant. The food was delicious but an hour later I was hungry for power!
Actually some of these jokes aren't bad at all. And there's something to be said for knowing a few zingers that don't fit in with today's P.C. atomosphere. And if you're like me, you're the kind of guy who likes to sometimes torture people with the sheer corniness of a joke. This book provides corn by the bushel! Alright, I'm gonna recommend it.
recommended January 26, 2007
a large, well organized reference for speakers and such, but with many of these, timing and delivery will count.amd some are verrry old. which means someday they'll be new again.
 Read a blank book and improve your mind.!" December 9, 2006
I was wondering what to pick as a title for this review when I came across this absolute gem for anyone who likes to read or is a bibliophile.
It appears on page 486 under putdowns. What a comeback to someone who suggests they are above wasteing their time reading.I have had this book "on the go" for months. I left it in a place where I could pick it up and read a few pages at a time;you can use your imagination to guess where. At 642 pages,it took months to finish,but I enjoyed every page of it.
Does this book really contain 10,000 gags,ancedotes,and one-liners? At 600 pages that would require over 15 per page.A brief scan shows there are ,on an average that many. Not only that ,I notice there is another one of his joke books entitled "More of the best of Milton Berle's Private Joke File", also containing 10,000 others. Yes Virginia,there really is a Santa Claus ,and yes Virginia Berle has left us 20,000 jokes in these two books.
The book is very well arranged, as other reviewers have mentioned,both alphabetically as well as over 500 categories.It is not an easy thing to assemble so many unrelated jokes in a manner that makes it easy to find them.For instance,take a joke anout two old soldiers,fishing in Lake Erie,a storm comes up ,one grabs the beer,the other the bucket of fish,...and that is only the start of the ancedote.Now,where to file it ;under old guys,soldiers,fishing,boat, beer,storm ,bucket,Lake Erie or what;see the problem. Even one as short as my title;it appears under "H" ,then under "heckle lines" on page 313. However; it also appears under "P" and "Putdowns" on page 486. However;if you look under Reading,you won't find it;nor will you find it under "Books" as that is not even listed as a category.
I particularly like to use jokes about birds,books and puzzles ;so when I come across those type of jokes, I make columns on the blank pages at the back of the book, where I jot down the page number where I found one on those sumjects. Otherwise,you can drive yourself bonkers trying to relocate on when you want to find it.
I'm not knocking how this book is referenced,but there is only so much a editor can do.That old adage sure applies; "God helps those who help themselves".
The book also has some real good information in the last 20 pages called "Tricks of the Trade" where Berle gives us some of the things he has learned over a long career of being a successful,and one of the best, in the world of humor.
A wonderful collection of humor for all ages and doesn't have to stoop to obsenity to get a laugh.Berle belongs with the giants in humor;Bob Hope,Myron Cohen,Red Skelton,Danny Kaye,Jackie Gleason,Jack Benny,Red Buttons,Rodney Dangerfield,Art Carney ,Danny Thomas ,Phil Silvers,Hal Roach,just to name a few;...and boy do we miss them.
If You Can Find A Better Joke Book, Go Out And Buy It! January 17, 2006
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
IF you can find a better joke book, go out and buy it -- but I think you will be looking for a long, long time! ^o^
" Milton, it's bigger than both of us" June 29, 2005
Uncle Milty, now gone. Ten- thousand jokes from his file in one volume. Uncle Milty reportedly would ask his audience to name a subject and he would immediately reply with a joke. Here some of them are, in five- hundred categories and over six- hundred pages. A lot of jokes.
And a lot of them not very funny.
And some of them sort of funny.
And some very funny.
Jokes, anecdotes, puns, little stories. The whole bag.
But of course without the intonation, and the look, and all the million and one tricks that Milty made us laugh with.
The king of the comedians.
One little story tells here about Milty and his famous show- business mother who pushed him everywhere. He was what he had to be. If they needed an Italian kid he did an Italian accent. If they needed an Irish kid he did that . One time an agent came and said to the mother that they needed a dog in a certain show. She immediately turned to her son and said ' Bark'.
And of course he did , the star of the Texaco Theatre who in television's first years on Tuesday nights made America look at the little box and laugh.
This book should be in the library not only of those who love and practice humor, but in the library of those nostalgic for the America of another time.
Uncle Milty lived to about ninety or so before he said good- bye. Of them all the only one who was still able to thank him for the memories was Bob Hope who made it I believe to one- hundred.
What an America it was. And it's gone.
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